Racer X: F#$% you. Do you want to maced again?

BI: Now that your first full season with the Icemen has been completed, what are your impressions of the team? Will you play with us again next year or in any summer tournaments?

RX: How many times to have to tell you that I'm old? No, like I said before, I'm done.  I'm too old for this s#$%. But I didn't mind most of the guys on the team. That guy Sal is pretty funny, and Pat is a damn good hockey player.  I even like Billy, although who the f#$% wears a mock turtleneck anymore? Speaking of clothes, what the f#$% are you wearing? Why are you wearing a Ramada smock and cut off sweatpants?

BI: We had a lot of goodness in the locker room this season.  What was is like playing for your old team, the Dragons, way back in the day?

RX: Those pillow biting c#$%suckers were more concerned about giving each other a reach around in the locker room and getting together for D&D after the game. I hated them and still do.  The only goodness I remember was macing you like a common Adams County punk.

BI: Speaking of Adams County, I bet my favorite county, PG County, is lot like Adams County.  Good people, good liquor stores, good--

RX: Shut the f#$% up. Please. I ran your name through the NCI database and was surprised to learn that you got into a little trouble down in New Orleans.  You got arrested for stealing a drink? What was it, a white wine spritzer?

BI: OK, let's change the subject. Talk about your gun. What kind of piece is that?

RX: It's a Beretta, 9 mm.

BI: I thought constables carried Glocks.

RX: No, Glocks are for losers.  I hear the Marshals carry those pathetic Glocks. You know what we called Glocks back when I was in the army? "Snivel Gear".

BI: Last question. Do you mind talking about the upcoming movie "Speed Racer"?

RX: I'm so pissed about that f#$%ing movie! That fruitcake Matthew Fox is playing me. He sucked in Party of Five and he's a total ankle grabber in Lost. Of course you wouldn't know about those shows, since you don't have a TV, right? I suppose they got his costume right, and I it was cool when he spite-f#$%s that slut Trixie.  I did get to keep this cool Racer X shirt, though.

BI: Thank you for your time, Racer X.

RX: Go f#$% yourself, commie.

Breaking News - Icemen movie in production! Acclaimed director M. Night Shyamalan will direct a crime drama called "Polinsky's 14".  The story will center around William J. Polinsky, QKA, and his team of 14 thieves as they attempt a high tech heist of a casino and Little Caesar's Pizza franchise. “We originally thought we’d do a romzomcom (romantic zombie comedy) or even a musical about the Icemen, but given the recent drama surrounding the team, we felt that a caper film with an ensemble cast was the way to go”, said Shyamalan.

Casting has proved difficult for the film.  Playing the role of William will be William Shatner. "Who looks best in a tux at the gaming tables? Pierce Brosnan, Daniel Craig... and William Shatner. Pierce and Daniel are busy, so we went with William", said Shyamalan.  Playing the role of team captain Sal Crupi will be Mexican soap opera veteran Eric Estrada. "Tony Danza is busy doing the Broadway production of the Producers, so we went with Eric. He has similar hair to Sal". Icemen pest Dave Sacks will be played by Willie Aames, formerly of Charles in Charge.  "We wanted Willie to have a chance to resurrect his career, much like John Travolta did with Pulp Fiction. Willie has a mullet like Dave, he can mimic the PG County accent, and even feels comfortable in the same crotchless sweatpants as Dave.  To be honest, our first choice was Scott Baio,  but he's in a mental institution and unavailable", said Shyamalan. The other defensemen on the Icemen, Steve Paulus, Pat Morin and Josh West will be played by Thomas Lennon (Lt Jim Dangle on Reno 911), Guy Lafleur, and Will Ferrell, respectively. Icemen forward Chad Nelson will be played by Kiefer Sutherland, as soon as Sutherland’s out of jail for DWI.  Arnold Turner will be played by Samuel L. Jackson.  "Finding a half Scottish, half Korean actor proved impossible, so we decided to take a new direction with Turner's role.  Besides, Jackson wore a kilt with great aplomb in the movie Formula 51", said Shyamalan.  Playing the role of Brad Cover will be Vince Vaughn.  “Both Vince and Brad and tall, athletic, and have dated Jennifer Aniston”, said Shyamalan.  Dr. Bob Casero, the netminder for the Icemen, will be played by Louis Gosset, Jr. Sports announcer Marv Albert will be cast as the Icemen's elder statesman Jeff Smith and Icemen center Tim Polanowski will be played by veteran actor and fan favorite Steve Guttenberg. Rounding out the casting of the Icemen will be Paul Giamatti playing the role of Brian Hayes and Zach Braff (Dr. John Dorian from Scrubs) playing Tony Majeran.  Finally, playing the role of the casino boss and William's nemesis will be none other than former Pittsburgh Penguin Mark Recchi.

Dr. Bob's whereabouts discovered! The Icemen netminder missed the last game in an undisclosed location.  We have found a video showing Dr. Bob playing hockey in Kazakhstan, home of Borat.  Click here to view Dr. Bob's new dance!

William J. Polinsky, QKA, is rumored to miss the final game of the year against the Vipers so he can take a junket to Las Vegas where he will shave off his beard. William was overheard in the locker room saying, " I won’t be at our last game… I’m going to Vegas for the weekend".  It remains to be seen how this will effect the team's morale and will his actions undermine the efforts of certain Icemen (Sacks, Cover) to grow their beards in honor of William.  One Icemen, Arnold Turner, has chosen to honor William by wearing a merkin to the last game.

William J. Polinsky, QKA, has privately expressed concern about all of the hub-bub his new beard has caused. He has asked that our website publish this link to a blog that really captures his feelings on the matter.  He asks that his teammates, fans, and specifically arch enemies Mark Recchi and Kevin Stevens, please read, and even contribute their feelings, as they see fit.  And, he wishes all of us to read this blog as well, in order to see what what a bad beard looks like, and how he's not so bad after all.

As the trade deadline approaches, rumors abound about which, if any, Icemen will be dealt. Team Captain and GM Sal Crupi was blunt in his assessment of potential trades.  "Anyone can be traded, except for me. We traded the Admirals some pucks for Tim, Jeff Black and Mike Riley. If you don't skate, then you're trade bait", said the normally taciturn Icemen skipper. 

One of the more persistent rumors floating about the internet is the potential trade of Icemen winger Jeff Smith and his water bottles to the Geriatric League in Florida for one of their nubile granddaughters to be the new watergirl.  Another trade rumor is a blockbuster package deal sending Anne Arundel County residents Dave Sacks, Brad Cover and Arnold Turner to the Dull Blades of Piney Orchard for any player who can skate backwards.

William J. Polinsky, QKA, was second captain in the glorious history of the Baltimore Icemen. The recent self election of teammate Sal Crupi to the position of El Capitan has left William rather flummoxed. "I guess I thought that after KB [Kurt Bachman} left, I was captain again. I firmly believe that the guys in the locker room look at me, along with my skate box and skin tight Reebok fitness wear, and they think 'leader'. I mean who else can successfully wear the mock turtle neck and the topsiders?", said William. When asked if he thought Crupi would be as good a captain as he once was, the disgruntled QKA simply answered, "He's no Brooks Orpik". The question now to ponder: is William's fierce new beard a form of protest against Crupi?