Tim – the Icemen Excellence in Math Award -for proving beyond a reasonable doubt that the shortest distance between two points is indeed, a loop-di-loop.   Earlier in the evening, Tim was also awarded the best supporting actor in a dramatic series, the acclaimed “As The Skatebox Turns” locker room drama.

Constable – the Icemen Excellence in Verbiage Award – for finding creative ways to use the F-word as many as 5 times in a 3 word sentence.   Earlier this evening the Constable also won in the technical category - Smell Most Likely to Offend a Homeless Person.

Billy – the Icemen Excellence in Appearance Award - goes to our beloved former Captain.   Whether he is sporting a Cindy Crosby jersey, rocking the mock turtleneck, or strutting the sweaty business shirt, William was a sure pleaser on the runway with some innovative and exciting accessories like the full length black trench coat, the Steel City Cowboy Hat, and of course the Terrible Topsider shoes.

Arnold – the Icemen Excellence in Memory Award – for forgetting your skates one game and forgetting your cup the next.   Many conspiracy theorists have argued that Turners initial dismissal of his skates was nothing more than a covert plan to “get his foot in the door” with Miss Cindy and her good favor.   Upon breaking Miss Cindy’s husband’s skates – Turners immediately lost such favor and his plan was rendered a complete failure.   On the brighter side of things, Turners was seen leaving Iceworld noticeably ecstatic the last game clutching Sal’s cup and exclaiming – “he’s letting me keep it!”

Andy – the Icemen Excellence in Official Abuse Award – for repeated questioning of the ref’s bad calls, the profanity-laced numerous trips to the sin bin, and overall disgust for the officiating – Steve Downie has nothing on you.   Earlier in the evening, Andy also picked up the Excellence in Innovation Award for not letting the little fact that he had no towel interfere in any way of him taking an Iceworld shower.

Brad – the Icemen Excellence in Materials Award – for adopting your brother-in-law’s policy of using duct tape on your socks.   The next thing you know you’ll be yelling at us to pass you the puck more while standing buck naked in the locker room, and you’ll be hunting down Billy’s wife for a kiss.

Sal – the Icemen Excellence in Leadership Award – for stealing one of the Wheel of Fortune “C’s” and somehow getting it stitched on to your jersey.   Not since McDonald’s first opened a restaurant up off 95, has a consonant been more recognizable from 5 miles away.

Brian M – The Icemen Excellence in Collision Award – where else could you see a guy who got his bell rung, get back up and add two assists to finish atop of the Icemen points list – Congratulations Brian!

Smitty – the Icemen Lifetime Achievement Award – for successfully completing your 15^th decade of hockey playing.   Very few people know that Smitty got his first start playing hockey for Grant’s Union Army.   In between packing muskets, Smitty was a gritty right wing that even the most feared separatists didn’t like to face.

Sacks – the Icemen Excellence in Goodness Award – for enthusiastically promoting the County, for taking half a day to mail a letter in Olney, and for your due diligence manning the counter in your finest smock at Esquire Liquors, our moth-ridden hats go off to you #20.

Pat – the Icemen Excellence in Tolerance Award – for not quitting the team after realizing you were the only one who could execute a successful break-out of the defensive zone, for limiting your curses directed at the team to the French language, and for quitting the band as a sign of lifelong devotion to the team.

Josh – the Icemen Excellence in Selectiveness Award – for only playing in a handpicked select few games, this guy knew when to lace them up and when to stay home and watch movies on Oxygen.

Tony – the Icemen Excellence in Fragility Award – for successfully playing half a season in skates two sizes too big and for karate kicking the end boards with your bad ankle.   You my friend are why they invented Ace bandages and Ben Gay.

Brian Hayes – the Icemen Excellence in End Credits Award – for only showing up for the final 5 games of the season; you are why they invented the calendar.   Sure, Reggie Jackson might have gone by” Mr. October”, but you sir, are known around the locker room as “Mr. March”.   Now if we could only play all 18 games next year in the same month, we might see you more.

Dr. Chad – the Icemen Excellence in Orange Award – for having the orange stick bag, helmet, and most other items of equipment. You also were a close second to Billy in the Icemen Excellence in Appearance Award.  

Hirsch – the Icemen Getting Out While the Getting’s Good Award – for having the common sense to leave for sunny Florida, albeit to play the role of Sneezy dwarf in Disney’s Snow White On Ice. Still the money’s probably better than Iceworld, and you don’t have to worry about getting nauseous from smelling the Constable.

Dr. Bob – the Icemen Excellence in Everything Award – last but not least, you sir hold the Icemen fastest streak time from shower-to-locker room.   You hold the fastest ice time from crease to center line and you are the only one among us who brings a bathroom kit consisting of a loofah, body wash (no soap on a rope for you) and Salon Selectives shampoo to each game.